Vanilla (no, not a latte)

No one wants to be vanilla. While vanilla ice cream or a vanilla latte sound pretty good right about now, vanilla itself is not good. I mean, sure, I suppose that being sexually vanilla is fine for some people and I am by no means knocking the missionary position. If, however, you spend 90% of your time doing the same old thing, I think that perhaps it's time to change things up a bit. I'm not saying you should know and memorize every crazy definition and position known to man, but you should be able to at least have a sense of adventure. Or at least be willing to try a new thing here and there.

I'm sure that at some point, everyone wonders if they are vanilla. I mean, even the most crazy and out there experienced of us wonders, "huh, what if I just sort of do the easy thing? What if I AM boring in bed?" The insecurity of not being good is one thing, but you can be good at what you do and still be boring as hell and that, quite frankly, is a scary, scary proposition.

Maybe it's my misleadingly innocent looks or maybe it's because I'm an open book and if anyone ever wants to know something, all they have to do is ask, but my friends often confide in me some of their fears surrounding sexual stuff, which is great because it's from conversations like this that method-swapping is born. Method swapping is just good for everyone. More guys should try it. It really just means that you say something along these lines:

Person One: And then, I make my wrist go in a swirling motion so that when I reach the top, I lightly use my palm, brush over, flip directions and head back down in the other direction. It's best if you start with your hand in an "upside-down" position and then flip it to right side up.

Person Two: Hmmm...I'll have to try that. Oh, and by the way, if you are ever out of good lube, olive oil seems to be a cheap and easy fix.

Person Three: So is shampoo. Although I have found that Suave is a little too drying and Dove conditioner is sometimes a bit too much. I recommend Herbal Essences Conditioner for normal hair.

While it's all very Sex and the City, girls do it all the time. I mean, yes, some of it is bragging, but it's not a conquest-brag so much as a "guess how much fun I've been having" brag. Which is why guys should do it, too. Because, quite frankly, things don't go down like they do in pornos. And they probably shouldn't only because pornos are designed for optimum viewing pleasure, but not necessarily for optimum pleasure.

The thing about the tried-and-true positions is that while they are vanilla, they, uh, get the job done so to speak. Does this make them vanilla? Sure, a bit, but if you're willing to have your foot tied up in a spur-of-the-moment self-made sling and you're doing a split while standing on your head, arms down by your waist, what's a little vanilla on the side? So long as it's doused in whipped cream, chocolate sauce and, erm, glazed nuts.