I have a fear of cement trucks.
No, I'm not kidding.
Yes, this is an actual fear.
More specifically, I am afraid that I will be standing behind a cement truck and someone will accidentally undo the safety and I will suddenly be covered in a metric ton of quick-drying cement which I will have accidentally both swallowed and inhaled (like when you don't know you're going to be sprayed with a high-powered water hose) a quick-drying very dense cement which will then harden in my lungs and stomach.
Clearly, I can wash off the external cement. This bothers me because I like my clothes, but it is not a perpetual fear. The fear is in the aftermath...
Will suffocation from the inside-out, a slow hardening of cement in my lungs (while creating a really cool inner-mold of my body) be incredibly painful? What if the cement shards get into my blood stream? Will I be able to feel tiny bits of sidewalk floating around in my system?
Now, let's say that I actually survive the lung part of this. I somehow miraculously cough up all of the shards and now I'm just left with the swallowed cement. I can only picture this slowly ripping up my body as I try to digest the undigestable shards of block. Yes, this does end in a very Chuck Palahniuk-style plot line that is reminiscent of, oh, ANY of his books and concluding to a bloody mess ending with the phrase "My anus is bleeding!" (thank you, Don Hertzfeldt).
I'm sure a lot of this has to do with me working at a place that is under construction and having to walk past many construction vehicles regularly. Today, for example, I was walking along the sidewalk and had to go across the driveway entrance to one of the sides of the building and had to walk underneath a...um...large thingabob. It's a truck-like thing with two large prong-like appendages hanging off the front of it on which you can pile lots of heavy stuff. My point is that I had to walk under the large pile of heavy stuff only supported by two metal prong things. Clearly I need to watch Bob the Builder a bit more because I'm not up on my construction terms.
Very long-winded story short, construction kinda scares me and I don't want a bleeding anus after having swallowed concrete. I've thought about this a lot and I would prefer death by stingray.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Crazy Dream...
I don't usually write about my dreams, but this one was so bizarre that it totally warrants its own post.
So, I was riding on the back of Taka's motorcycle (yeah, she has one in the dream) and she was driving me to the DMV so I could get my own license for a motorcycle. The thing is, I have never actually controlled a motorcycle myself so this was sort of...weird. And as we're driving, she's telling me how to get around the DMV and to lie to them and tell them that I have driven and all of that. So we get there and they ask me like 2 questions (my name and if I have driven a motorcycle) and after I answer, I get a license. That was it. So, I turn to Taka and I say, "yeah, that was a little too easy. It worries me that I didn't even have to take a road test or anything."
Then, about half a minute later, The Chameleon is riding a motorcycle and I'm on the back of it and I'm teaching him how to do it. Mind you, still haven't been in control of one myself but I'm instructing him and I somehow know what I'm doing. Then, we pull up to an outdoor flower garden thing and we're riding in a huge garden maze (like Labyrinth) and he starts singing the Pixies' "Caribou" which is making tiny gnome people appear in the bushes. The only words he's singing, however, are "repent" and "Caribou" so it's not like he's doing the whole song. But these tiny gnome people are mean and have tiny pokey knife things that they keep digging into our ankles, so The Chameleon says, "This is why you have to take the road test for it to count."
Somehow, we end up at Sputz's house (not her parents' house, but a house that we knew and understood was hers despite the fact that I've never actually seen the house before in my life). She was hosting a tea party for her grad school friends and was mad at us for showing up because we were wearing leather (y'know...motorcycle...leather...makes sense) and she had a "floral only" dress code to her party. She herself was wearing some poofy Alice In Wonderland style dress with horrible flowers all over it. Then, she handed me a mug of sour apple Pucker and told me that I had to drink it if I wanted to stay. So I downed it and she told me to change in her room.
I go to put on some blue flowered dress and when I come out, The Chameleon has on a suit and Sputz is telling me that we all have to go to the tv station so they can film us. We get on a train. Instead of the train taking us to a tv station, we end up in the Hinman Commons and we're suddenly trying to build a set to a show called "Nope" (yeah, no clue) and we don't have any of the building materials. My brother shows up and starts taking control until we go out back to take a break. Now, we're in my parents' backyard in the pool and having a party. And then I realized that I was supposed to be in work and missed our biggest show of the year and was going to get fired.
I'd try to analyze the meaning of this but I'm pretty sure it's all because my temperature this morning was 99.2 degrees. My brain is a funny place to live.
So, I was riding on the back of Taka's motorcycle (yeah, she has one in the dream) and she was driving me to the DMV so I could get my own license for a motorcycle. The thing is, I have never actually controlled a motorcycle myself so this was sort of...weird. And as we're driving, she's telling me how to get around the DMV and to lie to them and tell them that I have driven and all of that. So we get there and they ask me like 2 questions (my name and if I have driven a motorcycle) and after I answer, I get a license. That was it. So, I turn to Taka and I say, "yeah, that was a little too easy. It worries me that I didn't even have to take a road test or anything."
Then, about half a minute later, The Chameleon is riding a motorcycle and I'm on the back of it and I'm teaching him how to do it. Mind you, still haven't been in control of one myself but I'm instructing him and I somehow know what I'm doing. Then, we pull up to an outdoor flower garden thing and we're riding in a huge garden maze (like Labyrinth) and he starts singing the Pixies' "Caribou" which is making tiny gnome people appear in the bushes. The only words he's singing, however, are "repent" and "Caribou" so it's not like he's doing the whole song. But these tiny gnome people are mean and have tiny pokey knife things that they keep digging into our ankles, so The Chameleon says, "This is why you have to take the road test for it to count."
Somehow, we end up at Sputz's house (not her parents' house, but a house that we knew and understood was hers despite the fact that I've never actually seen the house before in my life). She was hosting a tea party for her grad school friends and was mad at us for showing up because we were wearing leather (y'know...motorcycle...leather...makes sense) and she had a "floral only" dress code to her party. She herself was wearing some poofy Alice In Wonderland style dress with horrible flowers all over it. Then, she handed me a mug of sour apple Pucker and told me that I had to drink it if I wanted to stay. So I downed it and she told me to change in her room.
I go to put on some blue flowered dress and when I come out, The Chameleon has on a suit and Sputz is telling me that we all have to go to the tv station so they can film us. We get on a train. Instead of the train taking us to a tv station, we end up in the Hinman Commons and we're suddenly trying to build a set to a show called "Nope" (yeah, no clue) and we don't have any of the building materials. My brother shows up and starts taking control until we go out back to take a break. Now, we're in my parents' backyard in the pool and having a party. And then I realized that I was supposed to be in work and missed our biggest show of the year and was going to get fired.
I'd try to analyze the meaning of this but I'm pretty sure it's all because my temperature this morning was 99.2 degrees. My brain is a funny place to live.
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