My Mother Still Owns My Soul

So I had a really funny thought today. I was walking into work and decided I wanted coffee. The problem was, it was super warm out and I didn't want something hot but I most definitely needed the caffeine so I thought that perhaps I would get an iced coffee. Here is where my brain's logic goes spiraling. I apologize in advance.

So, the coffee place near my office has amazing coffee swirls- a coffee milkshake of sorts. They are frozen and coffeeriffic and wonderful because you get your caffeine and refreshing drink in one. I am not a fan of traditional iced coffees because the bitterness of coffee only tastes good to me when it is warm. Did I get a coffee swirl even though it's what I wanted? No, I did not. I got a small, hot traditional cup of hot coffee.

WHY you ask?

Because my mother has made me a paranoid, neurotic mess of a person.

No, I'm serious. I'm not pulling a Dr. Phil and blaming my mother because I can. I could actually hear my mother's voice in my head telling me not to get the coffee swirl because it's a dessert and this was 8:50am which is far too early for a dessert. Except that when I broke it down, the coffee swirl of choice is a mocha-espresso swirl. This means it has espresso ground with cocoa beans and is then blended with milk and ice. No extra sugar. In my regular coffee, I put in cream and 2 sugars. So, really, even though one naturally tastes sweeter, it's better for you because they use a natural cocoa and not processed chocolate. And even as I stood in the doorway rationalizing all of this, I still couldn't get past the idea that drinking a swirl was inappropriate.

I'm 24 and I'm concerned that my mother will be disappointed in me if I drink a sweet coffee. Meanwhile, my grandfather, her father, put 4 heaping tablespoons of sugar into every cup of coffee and tea he drank for the past 40 years and now has adult diabetes. If she were using the genetic predisposition to diabetes as an excuse as to why I shouldn't drink sweet things before noon, I'd understand, but her rationale really has more to do with the actual clock than it does anything else. Noon is apparently suddenly an appropriate time for sugar. This also make sno sense because when I was in college, noon was my morning but I could have sugar first thing because it was noon. More than that, why does it matter what my mother, who is 30 miles away, thinks about my choices for drink? It's not as though I have a huge bowl of fruit loops with piles of sugar and a pixie stick for breakfast. I actually eat fairly responsibly most of the time. I mean, seriously, I have yogurt every day for breakfast and I eat salad at least twice a week as a meal.

I guess I always knew I'd hit the point where my mom's words were going to really sink in and I'd start to agree with her, whether or not I actually agree with the logic...it's part of the brainwashing she's been working on since birth. Before long, I'm going to be saying things like, "oh, I'll buy the plain white button down because it's a classic piece and will never go out of style" or "I really shouldn't buy those heels because they may hurt my feet after 2-3 hours."

Actually, do me a favor- if I ever hit the point where I don't buy a cute pair of shoes because even though they are comfortable in the store I think they MAY hurt sometime in the future should I wear them all day, kill me. You have my permission.