Warning: If you are male, you won't like this post.

Once a month, I hate my uterus and wish I had been born a man. Well, not born a man because I think my mother would have cried had she given birth to a full-grown man, so born a boy. Granted, I would probably be transgendered and going through a whole list of other issues right now, but I wouldn't have the evil attacking uterus that makes me want to give myself a hysterectomy with a rusty chainsaw because I know that infection and self-mutilation is quite possibly less painful. I think Richard Jenni got it best in his sketch:



Mind you, I don't turn into some crazed witch straight from Macbeth who turns on anyone I happen to be with, but it does feel like maybe my body is attacking me for not having children. Which sucks because that "children" thing is not happening for quite a few years. Which means that for the next 10 years (give or take) I'm going to be in pain and bitchy and obnoxious because my body is attacking me from the inside for not being pregnant, which, if you think about it in terms of religion is super funny because I'm not allowed to have sex until I get married but God is (in the meantime) punishing me for not being pregnant. Hmmm. Something seems a bit hypocritical. So, either we should be allowed sex before marriage without condemnation or God should suck less and stop it with the pain. Or even more ideally, we should be allowed sex before marriage without condemnation (even if we use contraceptives) and God should suck less. Either way, there should be a lack of sucking on God's part and an increase of sucking on everyone else's.

On a slightly different note, is there anything worse than a "between the eyebrow incredibly inflamed larger under the surface so it stays perpetually red" zit? I mean, yeah, AIDS I'm sure is worse but no one knows you have that unless you tell them. Or have unprotected sex with them and then they get a bad cold, wind up in the ER and find out that you gave them AIDS, in which case you are sort of a horrible person. And by sort of, I mean you deserve the painful, slow death that is coming your way.

But I digress...the forehead zit is bad enough but with some creative combing you can usually avoid a lot of the annoyances of having to put up with too much of it. The between the eye zit? That just sucks. A lot. And how do you explain that you not intentionally mocking the Indian Caste system and that your face just decided to explode and be obnoxious?

As one of the guys at work put it, I look like maybe someone has a mark out on me from the top of a building somewhere. Awesome.